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Then he would return to Wisconsin. As I wrote in a recent post, to be willing to truly stop, to give up, to make no effort, to relax the conditioned self-protective mechanism against life happening, to release that fixation on thought and feeling and problem — that goes against the momentum of a lifetime. Or that I have to act in a particular way. And we will go to great and very uncomfortable lengths in an attempt to avoid discomfort. Yet this conditioned impulse to know, to understand, to name, to define, to solve often continues. And just a few moments ago one of our exchanges reminded me of a story that I then shared with him. But by tuning into the indifference, I get to discover that I am that and that is me and the real me is myself and myself is the real me. And I am ever-amazed at the ways in which nothing is possible. It just reveals something of the nature of that dream domain. In other words, I had a sense that the real me was this thing closer in, and the thing that I believed to be good and right and true. The drugs he is being given cause untold harm in their production process and disposal. But it is obvious. So it probably comes as no surprise when I tell you that I was serious about getting to the bottom of things. Truth just looked like ignorance and suffering. But the best guess based on the available evidence, is that he was killed by a bear while he went to get another part of a moose he had killed. This is why I can say in the same breath that I no longer suffer and simultaneously whenever I suffer I inquire. If I am willing to be vulnerable and love unconditionally, I receive the gift of my imperfection. Or that I have to appear loving.